Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
