guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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