i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
