Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well I can't set my house on fire every night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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