Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
