it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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