I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
