Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
