look no pants
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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