im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
