We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
