we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
