yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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