Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
