It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
