i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
