naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
