i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
please come you make the beer taste better
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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