Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
a search helicopter?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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