We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
