I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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