We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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