He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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