your room smells of hookers.
And success
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
