Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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