I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
