Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
