I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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