They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
