I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
