First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
