I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
