We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
