evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
