the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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