Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
