dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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