you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
