Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
