When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
