I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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