capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
