I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
