I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
