I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
