If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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