would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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