Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
