What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
