I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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