from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
