so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
