$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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